Last week my teenage son came to me with a personal problem that had been worrying him.
The topic was embarrassing for him. Yes. It would have taken a lot of guts for any guy to talk about it. And yet, he did. To me. His mum.
He trusted. Me.
He knew I wouldn’t judge him. That he’d get honest answers. That I’d go out of my way to do whatever I could to help him heal/ sort out/ come to some resolution.
This sharing was familiar territory. We’d practiced over the years sharing some of the hard stuff. In fact it started right back when he was a baby.
I was stressed with a lot of things going on personally. It was a chaotic time.
And yet I knew I wanted my beautiful baby to feel connected and close to me.
It was a priority.
I saw him as a complete human being in a little body. Fully aware and yet in a body that’s very immature and not able to communicate easily yet.
I treated him with this respect. I listened and responded. I had him close to me. I delighted in him. Together we navigated how he wanted to be in the world. Lots of experimentation. Me listening and learning as best as I could. Both of us getting frustrated. Me stuffing up. Apologising. Reconnecting. Him learning to trust me.
Over the years we built on this. Sometimes going forwards. Sometimes backwards. Yet I never gave up. I would find a way to work through problems. To reconnect with love and fun. To repair the ruptures.
Are you worried about how YOUR baby will turn out as a teenager? Are you scared that you might stuff up now and never be able to repair the damage?
Do you crave to have a relationship that is full of deep respect and love? An ongoing connection that brings the deepest joy and fulfilment?
What you do NOW really matters. You can set up this beautiful trusting relationship right from the start. In fact you’re already doing it.
I’m here to remind you to keep doing it. And HOW to keep doing it.
Its all about relationship. Keep the focus here.
The latest neuroscience tells us that the way we respond to our baby & young child literally wires their brain. Yes. Neurological pathways are formed through the experience of your responsive connection. The way you are with her…. Is how she understands the world + how she learns to communicate.
An example is ….how you respond to her when she cries for help teaches her to know that asking for help is worth it. Someone will come. She is listened to. She matters.
Over the weeks and months I’m going to be including lots of info on how to have the best relationship with your baby + child. The latest cutting edge science combined with ancient and modern wisdom.
I’ll always give you action tips. Things you can do RIGHT NOW to make a difference. It’ll be simple + easy + hopefully fun and refreshing. It could make HUGE changes in your motherhood.
I know that you can have what I’ve got. A teenager who talks to you. A teenager who confides in you. Loves, respects and admires you (even though it doesn’t always look like this!).
SO….TAKE ACTION NOW:
- Talk out loud with her. If she is a baby and you’re not sure what she is wanting to then say this out loud to her. Tell her you’re going to take the time to experiment with different ways of being with her to see what she likes. Get used to talking honestly and authentically with her right from the start. “Hey sweetie, you seem really frustrated and upset. I’m not really sure what you need right now. Let’s do something different and see if that helps. We’ll work this out together”.
- Stay in flow. Let go of controlling. Let your baby & child lead. When you do this with your heart wide open you’ll discover the unique qualities and needs of this beautiful person who will be spending many years in relationship with you.
- Take time to love cuddle play and enjoy his gorgeousness. You can’t spoil him by doing this. The research tells us that a sensible responsive approach is the foundation of a close and healthy relationship. Basically…the more love + positive attention the better!
When you look back in 13-19 years time you won’t care about how many hours your baby slept, what the house looked like or being judged about ‘spoiling your baby or child’.
No. You’ll just be so glad you took the time to get to know him. That you stopped + noticed + laughed + connected. That you shared + acknowledged his distress as well as his joy. That you were there to soothe, reassure, to allow trust to develop.
So take action NOW and keep building a close and authentic relationship with your baby.
I have so much love + deep respect for you. Thankyou for taking the time to do your BEST as a mother. Your baby + your future together are so worth it.
Huge mother hugs,