I yelled at my adult child, and then remembered – this is a gift. Here’s why…
It’s true – last week I yelled at my now adult child. It’s not usual for me, I was so triggered. Felt so bad afterwards. At first so angry, and then sad.
And then I remembered – this is a gift . I can repair this disconnection, and find a way for us to understand each other , and feel closer
I recognise my over-reaction as my ‘inner child’ wounding -of not feeling listened to.
Ugh that’s a hard one . And it seems my son had a way of pushing that hot button for me in a time that I felt extra tired and under pressure.
And that old pattern unleashed a response that came deep from the core (a place I know comes from earlier wounding). I could feel it rising in my body, and yet my usual way of expressing ( and asking for my needs) in a respectful way … just didn’t happen.
Now I realise it was a ‘gift’ . In all the busyness we hadn’t connected enough. We needed space to share, and for me to repair my outburst, and for him to acknowledge his part, and for us to ‘give’ something more to our relationship.
It was time, and overdue.
No matter what age, I’ve always used and love the 5 Step process of ‘Rupture and Repair’ – healing my mama mistakes.
And I recognise that every relationship is a living, breathing entity that needs feeding, needs attention and care. Always.
I spoke about it in Facebook last week – you can check it out here.
I love how I get to be the ‘lived experience’ of what I teach. It keeps it real , keeps my practices fresh, and I to go deeper, closer.
It’s where the juice – a deeper love. When we do the repair work well it often creates what I call ‘magic moments’…. there’s something ‘new’ that gets birthed between us …
..a deeper understanding of each other, a relief that we can get through another layer of the hard stuff, bare open our hearts in vulnerability and for that to be ‘ok’ in the relationship – not taking away from what we ‘had’ but instead actually making it ‘more’ – more ‘getting to know each other’s inner world’ leading to a deeper understanding and honouring of each of our needs.
It creates space for more into-me-see (intimacy) in that we ‘get’ each other, leading to so much more potential shared truth & joy. We feel closer.
Can you relate? Do you find your yelling response comes from a deeper wounding or need? If so, can you identify what that is?
Or maybe you are like some mothers who have a tendency to suppress their anger where instead of yelling they implode. This can often make a mama feel ‘distant’, emotionally shut down, and even a little depressed.
Whatever the case it’s great to self-reflect and understand our tendencies – as this is the first step to healing our dysfunctional responses.
I’d LOVE to hear what happens with YOU . Please let me know by commenting below.
And if you think this is helpful, please share it to other mothers you care about.
Until next time, take care and remember you don’t need to be perfect to be ‘good-enough’.
In love & compassion,